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The Reference book

Have you ever felt like you had a calling? Something that you have always wanted to do but allowed fear to hold you back from it? Most of us have. I know that I have but that ends today. I have always wanted to start a blog and here I am. Taking my first step towards an unknown destination destination. A leap of faith into a journey that is capable of changing my life and I am so excited that you are experiencing this with me.

First and foremost, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Adam Rivera. I was born and raised in Tampa, Florida, along with my twin brother Austin. Growing up as a twin has allowed me twice the amount of life experiences because I was always learning through his trials as well as my own.

I was always an ordinary boy with big dreams of doing something amazing. I never knew what it was that I was meant to do but I knew that I wanted change the world, even if it was just one person’s world.

People who know me know that I am very loving and will give the shirt off of my back to anybody in need. I have been in many situations that have helped save lives and multiple jobs such security jobs, mental health jobs, private investigating and the military.

On the other hand, people know me as the class clown. The life of the party and in many occasions told that I can be a little too much. I am very talkative, love joking around and putting smiles on peoples faces.

Throughout all of my what I’ve been through I have gained a lot of knowledge. A lot of different perspectives and I want to share my thoughts and opinions with you. Most of my topics are going to be based on events that I have either experienced or witnessed somebody else experience. Ideas that I may have been introduced to me as well as ideas that I have introduced to others in the hopes of giving you understanding from a different point of view.

If my blog is successful, I would hope to have helped you get the strength to build yourself into a better you or provide you with a better understanding of what you are capable of achieving. To open up a door that can help guide you into the person that you have always wanted to be. We all will have trials in our lives but maybe your tests can be easier once I share, with you, my failures, my successes, my history, and hopefully my future.

I would like to thank you for joining me on this journey and feel free to comment on my posts. I am very open and love getting feedback to help give me ideas as well as get a better understanding of what my audience would like me to write about.

Understanding your mind allows you a chance to change it

A lot of my posts are derived from things that I have witnessed or conversations that I’ve had with people but this post was inspired by a conversation that I had with my son. The other night he was having fun on his tablet playing with his Osmo little genius starter kit. If you haven’t heard of it, I recommend it for all of your little geniuses. Well the kit comes with a bunch of moving pieces that interact with a mirror that senses movement as well as shapes. While he was learning, I noticed him gradually getting more and more upset. When asked what was wrong he responded that his activity kept messing up and he didn’t understand why.

After a brief look I realized that even though he was working on a flat surface like he was suppose to be, the mirror was picking up the patterns on the table. Rather than fixing it, I wanted to test his problem solving skills. I told him to tell me how the game works and he figured out that by putting a blank white piece of paper on top of the surface, it won’t register the patterns on the paper and the activity worked perfectly for the duration of the day. Ever since, by understanding how it worked, he never had that issue again.

Having that experience with him allowed me to question if that concept will work with everything including your mind. Coming into this New Years I have heard a lot of resolutions and many people have already gone back to their previous lifestyle and this is why. They have not gained an understanding of what they want to change and without knowing what’s wrong, they didn’t know how to fix it. Let’s take a smoker for instance. Many smokers think that they are addicted to the nicotine so they try the gums, the pens and the patches, which work for a little while but eventually pulls them back to smoking.

Once you understand what you are addicted to them you can fix it in a productive way. Many people are literally just addicted to the motion of putting something to their mouth and taking it away. If that’s the case, try going to the grocery store and buying a case of toothpicks to keep with you put them in your car and in your bag. Put the toothpick in your mouth when you start your craving and see if it helps. Wooden ones eventually dissolve and break up so that will symbolize when it’s time to put the “cigarette” down.

What about somebody who tends to eat way more than they want to but don’t have the self discipline to not fill up the entire plate every time they eat. A way to change that is by getting a smaller plate. The mind will see that your plate is full while still eating less and once the food is gone, it can possible signal to your brain that you are full. That same concept could be used with somebody who feels that they drink too much.

I was in this category. When I was in the military I created a drinking problem for myself. I would drink on average 18-24 beers every night. I knew that I had a problem but I was in denial so I never asked for help even though I truly needed to slow down. If I wasn’t going to get help, then I would have to figure out what was wrong. So I incorporated the big plate small plate rule but instead of getting smaller drinks I did the exact opposite. I realized that I drank so much because it was easy to just get another beer every few gulps. So instead of buying a 32 pack I got a 4 pack of tall boys a.k.a 24 oz.

What I learned is that by the time I made it halfway, my drink would start getting warm and to be frank, I would be bored to the point that I would have to force myself to drink the others so try it out and see if it could work for you. I can go all day by understanding how the mind works. Whether it is with bad habits to also great ones that you can incorporate into your regular life to push you into a better position.

In the end, always remember that if there is something that you want to change, fix, or make better in you life understand first how it all works and only then can you make changes. If you have any questions, feel free to ask and I can give you a different perspective on what you or somebody you know may be going through.

Think Positive On Purpose

Ask 100 people if they want to go skydiving and look at their faces as a response. Of course, many will jump on board and love the idea but what about the people who don’t? When asked “Why?” you will get a lot of excuses like “I’m not jumping out of a perfectly fine airplane!” and the infamous, “What if the chute doesn’t open?” At first, I was one of those people and I completely understood where they were coming from but it took for me to change my perspective in life and on a whim I decided to jump out of an airplane and I loved it. What I learned is that everything that I feared about jumping out of a plane never even happened and that’s when I started questioning everything. Questioning my fears. Questioning my negative thoughts and that’s when this lightbulb turned on. WHY ARE THESE THOUGHTS EVEN HERE?.

What I’ve come to the conclusion is that our thoughts are the way they are because of traumas and insecurities introduced to us from our past. Why does somebody have trust issues? Most likely because an event in the past that hurt them either physically or mentally and now that person refuses to trust in order to keep from feeling that pain again. Like a self defense mechanism. Many of those thoughts weren’t even experienced in person but rather seen on a screen or heard of, like why is the average human being so afraid of killer whales even though there has never been any known attacks in the wild? While dissecting these thoughts and reasons behind these thoughts I have realized that almost everything that we have become has been built off fear and getting hurt. Once you understand that is the only time that you can change the way that you think and how do you fix that? By thinking positively on purpose.

Let me show you what I mean. Next time you are aware of having a negative thought, purposely change that thought into a positive. It sounds really hard but try it and I promise you that any scenario will have a positive perspective or point of view. The moment that you change that thought into a positive, evaluate how it makes you feel or see if it will push you into a productive direction. I can almost guarantee you that it will.

I will be 100% honest and transparent with you. I am not a therapist. I do not have any degrees or any training behind any of my ideas and theories. I will say though that I have become extremely observant through the years and tend to see things in ways that most people don’t. Continue to be aware of your thoughts and purposely change the perspective into a positive and before you know it, it will become second nature.

You will eventually not have to intentionally think positive. It will become a part of who you are. Somebody who once had road rage will eventually thank somebody who cut them off because of the positive belief that “they cut me off to save me from an accident that I may have been a part of a mile down the road.” Instead of having a breakdown when somebody lost their job they would instead think that “Now I have enough time to work on myself and now have an opening for a better job”. Think positive on purpose and become the positivity that you want to see in the world.

It is OKAY

Todays society has brainwashed us all to believe that we have to please everybody. Brainwashed us to believe that we need to make everybody happy. Brainwashed us to put others before ourselves, but for us to be able to give anything, we must first have it ourselves. It is beyond impossible to make everybody happy and there are times when people that we always make happy wont be and all I am here to say is that it is okay.

It is okay to be frustrated at times. It is okay to want to be alone sometimes. Just as it is okay for you to be happy, it is just as okay for you to be sad. People will try to shame you for feeling emotions at times because it doesn’t help what they are going through and it is okay. Do not allow the selfish wants and needs from other people deter you from your growth.

It is okay for the class clown to be quiet sometimes. It doesn’t mean that something has to be wrong with him/her. Its probably just that he/she doesn’t have anything to say. Its okay to try ask if everything is alright but once they give you the answer, don’t try and force them to be the person that you want them to be for you because it will only add frustration and eventually resentment in the long run and create a negative emotion that wasn’t their to begin with.

It tends to be extremely hard if you are in relationships as well, whether its a spouse or a friendship but know that its okay to have your individual emotions. Society has created this rule saying that if you are best friends or an intimate relationship that you have to do everything together and I have one simple question. Why? Simple right. Why, when you are in a relationship that you have to be connected by the hip and if you aren’t then they can’t be a best friend or a loving spouse. It is okay to run errands alone so that you can clear your head. It is okay to do an activity with friends. It is okay. Do not allow people to make you feel obligated to do things that go against what you want and need to do for yourself. If you need space, take it. If you need to change your environment, change it.

Many times people will try and push their emotions onto you. They may think that something is wrong even though nothing is wrong at all and then create that feeling through their actions only to validate their initial accusation when nothing was wrong to begin with. You alone are the only person who can change your outcome and its okay to be selfish with your means of healing or progression in life.

If you want to wear the shirt, wear the shirt. Don’t let outside voices create insecurities in yourself because of what something looks like or how people might talk about you. If you want to do the activity, don’t let outsiders dictate you to move in another direction. Do what makes you happy and always remember that its okay to tell people “No” as well. Don’t let the emotions and beliefs of somebody else make you feel obligated to do anything and everything they tell you, or ask you, to do. You are in control and from me to you, just know that whatever you choose, it is OKAY.

Dead man walking

During a eulogy at a funeral, a young woman speaks about her late husband. While she was on the podium she was describing who the man was. With tears rolling down her face she explains how he was the most loving person that she has ever met. That he would give the shirt off his back and give it to an enemy if need be. How he didn’t believe that people from anybodies past should automatically be somebody to throw away. He saw great things in everybody whether it was an ex, an old friend, a coworker and even strangers.

She elaborated on how he was always the life of the party and that everybody always loved when he was around. He complimented people and always had to make people feel good and be happy. That he was a people person and could honestly talk to anybody. How his words could deescalate any negative situation and turn an uncomfortable environment into an inviting one.

He was a helper and motivator. He was a comedian. He was a teacher and a therapist. He would inspire people to be great. He was strong an hardworking. He was smart and open minded. Always gave every situation a positive perspective. He was one of a kind. He was always doing something to help others and one of his biggest flaws is that it was hard for him to say “No.” He was amazing.

At the end of the funeral the woman went home and went through an old photo album and reminisced about the past. The happy times as well as the bad and that’s when it hit her.

The majority of their arguments was derived from him simply being him and the perception of his qualities being a form of disrespect. She went back to what she said in the eulogy and replayed it in her head.

“He was loving and would give his enemy the shirt off his back if need be.” If that was so, then why did I force him to throw away pictures of people he shared memories with in his past. Memories that made him happy. If that was so, why did I tell him he had to remove and block people on his social media.

“He was always the life of the party.”, but I would give him hell and guilt trip him knowing that he would stay home if it would keep me happy. Slowly his phone notifications lessened. He stopped getting invited to hang out because they already knew the answer would be no.

“He complimented everybody and wanted to always put put a smile on peoples faces.” How dare he disrespect our relationship by lifting her up by telling her that she was beautiful, but in his eyes maybe he saw something that I didn’t and noticed that she was having a bad day and wanted to make her feel better.

Going through the memories, she realized that her husband died a long time ago. That person she described was not the man in the coffin. He was not the therapist. He was not the motivator. He was not the life of the party. He was not the uplifting man that helped people who were down.

The moral of this story is that we are all unique. We are all different. Our personalities are what make us who we are and I believe that everybody should be allowed to be who they are. I do not agree with forcing people to stop being who they are because the end result is just an empty shell. A dead man walking!

A Healed Cup Is a Filled Cup

Imagine owning a tin cup. You have had that cup for a very long time. Throughout that time you may have had several accidents that damaged it. Dropped it a few times. Put a little too much pressure on it. Let people use it and now has brand new scratches that you’ve never seen before.

Those accidents have created bruises, dents, scratches and in some cases were even serious enough to create leaks. Unfortunately this is the only cup that you have.

It is your cup and it is your responsibility to seal it if you ever want to be able to fill it to it’s full capacity. Correct? Well how would you feel if I was to say that you are that cup and everything in your life has molded you to the shape that you are.

We have all been through a time in our lives where we were damaged. Maybe it was a something that was told to you at a very young age that you believed was true, only to find out was wrong all along. Sometimes the damage was physical such as touching a stove which left a burn along your arm.

Trauma is a part of life. Some will hurt more than others and some are extremely hard to heal from but it is something that is suppose to be learned from rather than held on to.

Insecurities. Trust issues. Jealousy. Those are all areas in your life that can drain from your cup if you don’t heal yourself. Failure to heal those wounds can be very dangerous in the long run. By not taking responsibility for your healing you will naturally expect others to heal you.

I can tell you that, until my late twenties, I was that individual that expected people to automatically do for me that I was suppose to do for myself. I would jump from relationship to relationship hoping that the next person would show me something different,

Going from job to job thinking that it was my boss that made me hate my job. Making excuses in every aspect of my being for why I was going through what I was going through. Not taking any responsibility for the emptiness that was inside of me

Running to the next woman to fill the hole that the last one dug into me. Moving to another state hoping that where I was previously was just uniquely difficult and I can be better off somewhere else. Many people don’t know the details, but it took the clicking sound of a “loaded” Glock 43 that was pressed to the roof of my mouth when my youngest daughter was taken from me by her mother to realize that something needed to change.

From that day on I did a lot of soul searching. I read countless self help books and talked to several people who picked themselves up from rock bottom. In doing so I learned that my problems derived from the lack of properly recovering from traumas stemmed as far as my childhood, and to confidently fill my cup to its max I would have to take time to myself and heal before I took any steps in any direction whether it was work, making friends, dealing with family and even starting a relationship.

I can say that I am a healed and my cup is now full. Full of love. Full of happiness. Full of forgiveness. Full of life. Now that I am healed I am able to see the affects of dealing with people who aren’t healed. People who I would gladly pour into because I had plenty to spare, and that’s when it hit me. The people that I was pouring into did t heal their damages. So as much as I poured in, the more leaked out.

Before I knew it, my cup was draining more and more until I wasn’t doing things out of the kindness of my heart. Now I was doing it because it was a job. I wasn’t kissing the way that I use to because now it was an obligation to heal a wound that I didn’t put there. I was being drained of happiness because of the lack of healing on my partners end. In the process of filling up others cups, I was becoming empty and slowly staring to have leaks myself.

I learned that I can tickle you all day long but I will never be able to make you happy. I can call you beautiful and give you compliments from the moment I wake up til the moment I fall asleep but I can’t take away insecurities. I can give all of my passwords and my location but it will not make somebody trust.

So remember that life is full of traumas. Some leave bruises while others create leaks. Leaks that will constantly drain you until you figure out what is needed for you to heal. Proper self care is priority. Just remember that a healed cup will always be a full cup.

The Number 10 Rule

We all have heard the phrase “There are more ways than one to skin a cat.”, and I am sure that most people understand it but I don’t think that it gets as much credit as it should. The first time that that quote held weight on me was in a situation that I experienced while in a training exercise in the military.

I was stationed in 25th Infantry Division out of Schofield Barracks in Hawaii. My unit was just returning home from a deployment in Iraq and it was time to get back on the grind. As an E-4/specialist, myself and many of the lower ranking soldiers were stuck doing the garbage details that nobody wanted to do it. One phrase that I learned early on is to work smarter not harder. Well I was ordered to carry 10 long boards from one area to another.

It was not a hard task but rather just very time consuming. We had plenty of time to kill while getting the area set up so I felt that it would be best to take my time and not run myself ragged so I decided to pick up my first board and start the walk to take it to its location. As I picked it up I hear, “WTF Rivera! What are you doing?” from Sgt. @@@@

As I drop the board and get to parade rest, I reply that Sgt. ***** gave me orders to take these boards to the cleared out location across the field. He then responded that I am doing it wrong and to take 2 at a time. Without Sgt. **** being there, I was forced to follow the orders of the new Sgt. So I go back and grab another log and then start making my way to the provided location.

On the way back to get another 2 boards, Sgt. $$$$ came over and also thought it was ok to tell me that I was doing it wrong. “Load 4 logs on that tarp over there and drag them so that you can take them faster.” I was beyond frustrated and that’s when the “There are more ways than one to skin a cat” and I opened my mouth.

“My orders were to take these 10 boards from this location and make a pile in that location. if I was to take 1 log at a time, 2 logs at a time or struggle with dragging 4 at a time on a tarp, the end result will still remain the same, so can you get off my back and let me do my job.”. Of course that didn’t quite end well for me and I caught myself walking the logs back and from one spot to another throughout the day but the message was engraved into my skull. A few years later I was out of the military and I was in a leadership position working as a security guard at a government contracted facility.

I was observing a guard working on a task that needed to be done before his shift was over and I asked him what he was doing and why he was doing it that way. He responded “Because the end result be as my boss wanted it.” As soon as he said that, it instantly brought back the horrible smoking that I got carrying the logs. I gave him advice on a way that may possibly be easier but allowed him to continue with whichever way that he chose.

From that day on I understood the power of micro-managing and a great deal of what it takes to be a good leader. A leader isn’t somebody that demand ways to do something but is somebody who trusts in his guys. Somebody who can give advice and supervise to make sure the end result will be completed satisfactory and in a beneficial way for everybody in the end.

To this day I catch myself using that story to explain to bosses, supervisors, parents and owners to help paint the picture that there are many ways to accomplish a task. I have had a ton of snapback from people not willing to listen but I have also had a lot of great feedback from people who applied it and got a great end result. Hell, many actually learned, themselves, of better ways to get jobs done so that they can teach it the next time around.

So next time something needs to be done, understand that there are usually more ways than 1 to accomplish something and think about the number 10 rule.

Trust and Communication The basis of a healthy relationship.

While there are many other areas that need to be worked on in a relationship, trust and communication are the two main areas that hold a relationship together. Without one, the relationship begins to weaken and will eventually end, losing everything else that goes along with it.

There are family relationships, professional relationships, friendly relationships and pet relationships that communication and trust will affect but the one that I want to talk about is the romantic relationship.

To this day, my wife hates my analogies but this one seems a bit fair to use. Picture a relationship being a chain. The stronger the bond, the more secure it is. Each link is given a name such as Sex, Intimacy, Punctuality, Cleanliness, Security, Personality, and many, many more depending on what you want and need in a relationship.

Out of all of these links in the chain, trust and communication is the lock and key. Without a lot a key, anything and anybody can come by and sever the bond in your relationship. Get the picture? Now let me show you how.

First I will start with communication. Communication is the key to the relationship chain and without it, you will never be able to gain access to the relationship. Just like your house key and car key, communication is carried with you everywhere you go and is an important part of everyday life.

Throughout any part of any relationship, matters will need to be discussed in order to keep an organized lifestyle ranging from picking up the kids, setting dates and times to events, grabbing milk on the ay home and expressing feelings to one another. Everybody wants to stay in the loop when it comes to their spouse and without proper physical and verbal communication it is easy for many situations to get out of whack and trust can start to diminish.

Of course, there are many other ways to diminish trust but the lack of proper communication can lead to misinterpreted views and unproductive thoughts that can lead to negative feelings. From there, that is when situations could really start heading into the wrong direction.

Trust is the lock that connects the link of the chain. Depending on the strength of trust, anybody and anything could easily break the bond and destroy any romantic relationship. Some of the major causes of trust issues derive from infidelity, past experiences, and control. Yes I said it. Needing to have control is never letting yourself be vulnerable and that will eventually lead to lack of trust to the people around you, but that will be written in a separate article about the links to the chain of a relationship.

Trust is extremely vital because without it, nothing and I mean NOTHING positive can grown. Honest words could be mistaken for sarcasm. Late responses and missed calls can lead to negative seeds the will grow from the water of negative thoughts. Coming home a little later than usual could question if there are other people or other forms of inappropriate activities and those thoughts only will lead to disaster.

Improper communication and lack of trust will slowly but surely push the individuals involved in the relationship away. Without trust, the individual who missed the call may get accused of ignoring them or involved in a disrespectful activity when in all actuality was taking a nap, in the middle of licking the barbeque sauce of their fingers or just forgot to put the ringer on after they left the movie theatre.

By the time the person is able to explain what is actually going on, the negative seeds may have grown into a tree of deception and the explanation will not be believed and accusations will be made. Of course, nobody wants to be accused of anything that they are not doing, so that will cause insecurities in the accused which will then build frustration and even more lack of communication.

If the problem doesn’t get fixed early on, everything that is said will bring more and more arguments, which will then build more and more actions that will lead to the lack of trust and the cycle will continue the infinite downhill spiral until both parties are to a point of no return and the relationship will end. People who loved each other at first will separate as enemies who will never want to see each other again.

I understand that trust and communication can be very hard to work on but with the proper practice, guidance and a lot of patience, the chain to the relationship will be held tight and secured by a sturdy lock and key that could withstand any storm.

Live today as if you were to die tomorrow

So, while driving to the emergency room and listening to my daily motivation videos on YouTube, I overheard the phrase “Live today as if you were to die tomorrow.” and a light bulb clicked.

It’s funny how certain quotes can hit harder and be dissected in ways that never could be on a typical day. How the meanings can mean something totally different with a change of environment.

So just a little side note. To keep the thoughts fresh, I decided to download the WordPress app and I definitely recommend it to anybody who has a vivid thought process like me and need to write your thoughts and ideas down before they drift off to the abyss.

Anyways, while sitting in the waiting room I see people around me and I can’t help but ask myself why they were here? Is it life threatening or just a simple cough? Possibly a simple cough that may actually be life threatening? Then I wondered if, at one point, they asked themselves the same questions that are going through my mind.

If I was to die tomorrow or have a case where my life may be cut short, how would I live today? Would I love where I was and who I became? Would I have any regrets of things that I did not do? Would I allow the people that were currently in my life to still be in my life? Would I have different thoughts when people gave me their opinions or asked me to do things?

These were just a handful of the questions and while I asked them to myself, I realized that if I was to die tomorrow I would be beyond pissed at the life that I lived and the place where I currently was in life. It was a very painful realization especially when I asked the big “WHY”.

I have been in relationships where either family, friend or spouse has told me not to do something that I truly enjoyed because they didn’t feel that I would be successful. And I listened.

I have had plenty opportunities to do something that I have not done but allowed somebody to talk me out of not doing it because they weren’t able and wanted to do it with me. Many of those people are out of my life and I haven’t had the opportunity to do the activity ever since.

“That car doesn’t fit you.”

“That girl won’t like you.”

“Wait for me.”

“Don’t do this until I…..”

“That sport is lame.”

“You can’t make money doing that.”

Stop listening. Just stop. They say that you only have 1 life but many people don’t see the depth in that statement. Until I was on that drive to the emergency room, I didn’t know either but starting today I am going to make a change in my life.

I am going to change the people that I surround myself with. I am going to learn to tell people no and not feel guilty. I am going to do whatever I need to do to get to where I want and I am not going to let anybody slow me down.

Stop explaining. Friends don’t need the explanation and enemies won’t believe you. If you want to write that book. Write it. Stay up as late as you need to get it done and surround yourself with people that are going to motivate you and boost you to get there.

If you want to start that business, use all of the negative feedback as fuel to get you going harder and don’t be afraid of failure. Failure eliminates options that help get you to the one that succeeds.

If that is your dream car, buy it even though “That looks like a chick car.” or, “That is too manly for you.”. That’s fine because they won’t be in the passenger seat while you ride happily to your next happy place.

Do me a favor. Lets change the way that society believes. The belief that we are put on this earth to make other people happy. Put onto this earth to validate other peoples fears. We only live once. Go out and live your life the way that you want to!!!

What is a Leader?

You got it just from the title. What is leader? Is a leader a job title that is given to you when you become a supervisor or boss? Is leader somebody who is older than you that is in charge? Or can a leader be found in something way more in depth? Can a leader be a young child with no experience at all but has the imagination that holds no bounds? Can a leader be the old man quietly sitting on the his rocking chair feeding the doves?

I have had this question for many years and throughout those years, I have learned that anybody has the power to be a leader. Whether it was a child on the playground playing by his/herself or that soldier on the battle field that has never been into a simple fist fight.

When asked what a leader is, I tend to look that person in the eye and say “You are.”. The reason is because we all have the ability to be a leader. A leader is somebody that can move you when you feel that you can’t go any farther. Somebody that gives you insight on your capabilities as a person. A leader is somebody who can make the unbearable weight of any situation seem like a small obstacle.

Everybody has the ability to be a leader. A leader can come in many shapes and sizes. The little boy with a vision to fly will take the first step into the unknown and clear a path to the creation of new type of airplane. That same little boy will do the hard work first and set expectations for the people who follow behind.

A leader is also somebody who boosts people up. Somebody that wants to see people succeed and guide them into the right direction by continuously pushing an individual to complete a goal to the best of their ability. A leader doesn’t lead by using fear tactics. A leader uses love and compassion as his/her super power. Instead of mushing, they instead step ahead and reward.

Leaders share what they have and produce other leaders in the process by means of setting an example. Constantly providing the tools that somebody needs by being a positive example of what to do, how to treat people and doing the hard work. To set the standard of what needs to be done.

A leader is that person that shines the light into the dark places and sets a path for everybody behind him/her. Placing landmarks to keep people on the path and instructions that make what seems impossible the achievable.

Ask yourself this. Have you ever had a leader in your life that you felt had horrible leadership skills. Write those qualities down and remind yourself that you will not follow conduct yourself in the same manner.

Now ask yourself if you a leader? If so, how are you a leader? Write the positive qualities down and continue building those areas regularly. Incorporate helping people who may have a hard time doing what you do easily. Give different perspectives on different situations and do what needs to be done and set the standard for everybody that will follow you.

What is a leader? You are!

Life is a lot like driving on the highway

Have you ever been on a long road trip as a child? Do you remember where you went and how long the drive was? All of us experience road trips differently. Some love the long rides that feel like its never ending. To gaze out of the window and admire the sights as the world passes by. Others need to make frequent stops to enjoy something new and create new experiences. Some need a little of both during the long haul. In the end we are happy once we finally get to that special location and put the car in park.

We all are going somewhere. Some of us may not have the destination yet. Many may have the destination but not know how to get there. Others are just going where the road takes them. Neither is right or wrong. Either way, we are eventually going to go somewhere. Luckily for us, just like a highway, as long as we are alive there will not be any dead ends.

For the ones that are just going where the road takes them, there is no way to prepare for the roads ahead. That mindset gives you the capabilities to gain experience and ability to adapt when the time comes but it will bring a lot of frustration in the process because, without a proper destination, it will be extremely hard to find stability and purpose. Do not underestimate that process though because with the experience gained, it will make your transition a lot smoother once you finally put that bullet point on your map.

Most of the time, those of us that do have a destination will get there a lot faster. The earlier that we figure out where we want to go, the sooner we can prepare for the long trip ahead. Figuring out what items to take with us and understanding the environments that we will have to go through will help us determine what equipment will be needed for the storms ahead.

The better that you prepare for your travels and the better that you understand the rules of the road will determine how smoothly the ride can become.

With a set destination, preparation would allow us to be able to see what areas we will need to put more effort in and areas that will be easy. To allow us to understand the rules of the road. Understanding that sometimes the fast lane may actually take us to our destination slower.

Have you ever driven in the fast lane and everybody in the middle lane is going the same speed as you and will not allow you over. Many times in life we will be in the correct lane but an uknown obstacle could be slowing us down. Out of fear of falling back, we stay there while everybody in the slow lane seems to be pass us up. Preparation and understanding the rules of the road would easily tell you to just slow down. When you get a chance, ease over into the middle lane and then into the slow lane. Once in the slow lane you will be able to pick up speed and gain enough momentum to pass everybody that were slowing you down and get back on track.

With proper preparation, we will get to our destination smooth and safe and deter many negative emotions such as anger, impatience and frustration.

We will experience many turns and many long stretches on this highway called life. We will find ourselves stuck in traffic or gaining distance without any other vehicles in sight to hold us back. Sometimes we will have to make pit stops to rest or get frustrated due to an unknown detour that forces us to go a different direction, but just like you are right here reading this post, you will always get to your intended location eventually.

Find out your destination early. Figure out what paths that you need to take and prepare for any detours while on your journey. Take breaks. See the sights while admiring the world around you. Slow down if you have to but know when to kick it back into gear. Sometimes doing the drive alone is best. Sometimes having somebody in the passenger seat can make it easier. Regardless of how you choose to get there, if you allow yourself to learn from your experiences and understand the rules of the road, you will surely get to where you want to be.