Confidence and How I Got It

I questioned this post long before I began to write it. I had this little whisper in my ear telling me not to because it was going to make me come off as conceited and full of myself. I didn’t know the words to say to not offend anybody and also not have people think about me in a negative kind of way. Well just a few days ago I started to hear another voice. A voice that started to get louder and louder. Eventually louder than the other whispers. A voice saying “You earned it!”. I did. So here it goes.

I am going to be completely transparent with you. It was hard to open up like this but I cant tell you the story of how I got confidence without telling you who I was before.

I grew up in a single parent home with my mother and my twin brother Austin. Austin and I were always around our many aunts and few uncles. You can see that we were raised by only woman for the most part. I tend to pick up habits from my environment just like when you start hanging around somebody new and you then start to mimic some of the things they say on accident. Well I was around females most of my life and tended to have feminine qualities. Sometimes it was my posture. Sometimes it was the way I thought and the things that I said.

So coming from a child who was in the stage of self identity, it was extremely hard for me when people would laugh and say that I was a girl. I would get picked on regularly and called names that I didn’t even know what they were until I got older. I got picked on and I didn’t understand why.

During middle school I started liking girls and girls started liking me but it was still a constant battle because at that age I realized how horrible bullying could be. The girls that I liked would like me when I was alone with them but treat me horrible when their was an audience because they didnt want to be made fun of for liking the “gay boy” in school. That was the first time I contemplated suicide but that will be another story. It built one of the worst insecurities I have ever had in my life.

Once I reached high-school I thought that things would be easier. I had my first girlfriend during my freshman year. Due to my morals, I refused to be intimate with her and after a year I found out that the whole time I was a side piece when her “girlfriend” wasn’t around. Yeah that destroyed me considering that once the school found out, the bullying was 10x’s harder. Sophomore year I dated another girl and she was honestly my first love. I never felt a love like this and I knew for a fact that she would be the one.

Well right before summer break she wanted to take a “break” and see other people until school started. Yet again, I was crushed. I went through an extreme depression where I fought for her to open up and tell me why. I later found out that she also left me to be with a girl that she lied and said her name was Nate just so that I wouldn’t find out. Well many people new before me and the bullying intensified to the point that I didn’t have confidence in anything. I didn’t think that I was ever going to be man enough to be with a woman. I never thought that I would be strong enough to be good at any sports. I never thought that I would be smart enough to ever become anything and I was drowning in pain.

Drowning so deep in pain that I began cutting myself and other forms of self harm. I figured that if I was going to feel pain, I might as well be in control of some of it. Questioning myself “Why are you like this Adam? Why do you only hang out with only women? Why can’t you get along with many guys? Why are you so weak? Why can’t you be like everybody else?”

Well one day about a year after I graduated high-school, my twin brother and I were invited to go to the club with six of our female friends. They liked to bring us to occasions like that to keep the guys from harassing them. After a few hours of dancing and underage drinking, we decided to start heading to the car where our sober friends were waiting for us. Told you I was going to be transparent.

On the way to the car we passed a group of guys posted up on the wall. One of the guys laughed and said “Look at these fags!” while pointing at my brother and I. With a little bit of liquid courage in my system I turned and asked if he was talking to me. He replied “Yes” while snickering with his boys. “Yall have to be gay hanging around only girls.”

That was it. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was never a fighter but I was always good at hurting with my words and dammit I was fed up. So I flamboyantly did 2 snaps and said “Im going home with six beautiful woman while you are going home with a group of guys. That actually seems a little more suspect than me and my brother right now, and to answer your questoin. No we are not gay, not that it matters anyways. We were actually invited here specifically to keep guys like you from stealing away these beautiful women’s joy. And now that I’ve looked at yall, a few of your friends were actually hitting on some of my friends earlier tonight. So although I have nothing against gay people, you clearly do, so let me get something straight. Me hanging out going home with woman will always be more masculine than another man like yourself trying to show off how tough and hard you are to make your homeboys, other men, feel that you are more of a man. So I am going to finish my night on good terms and you can continue trying to impress your guy friends.”.

I just knew that we were going to get jumped that night but what actually happened is the dudes only said a few more jabs trying to piss us off. Nothing they said could change the facts that I just threw into their faces and myself and my lovely friends walked back to the car and had a great rest of the night. That night taught me that at the end of the day, I can only be who I am and I can only impress the ones that truly care for me. That night I overcame the insecurity of people thinking that i was gay and I actually used that same response many times after. The more I responded that way, the easier it was for me. That’s when a lightbulb clicked on.

If my worst insecurity could be destroyed just by putting myself into the situation to beat it, then what happens if i put myself into other uncomfortable situations. I remember sitting down and thinking about all of the events that, at one point, hurt my feelings or had me thinking that I wasnt good enough. I wrote them down and figured out what I could possibly do to fix it. Before I knew it, my insecurity of being weak was killed simply by going to the gym and pushing myself. My insecurity of my weight and how skinny I was was simply erased by leaving the house in tight fitting clothes or even all spandex.

In doing so, I have made it a goal to face my fears and insecurities to the point that i joined the military, jumped out of planes, swam with sharks, nude modeled in front of strangers in art classes, had some of the best times of my life in some of the roughest parts of town and even faced my fears of wasp and heights as a tower climber. So if you made it this far understand that this is why I said that I earned the right sound conceited or full of myself by explaining how i got confidence. It was a hard journey that I had to fight everyday, completely alone. Now that I was able to find the secret, I am now sharing it with you.

If you dont have confidence in yourself, simply sit down, evaluate what you are insecure about and why. Once you find your “why”, jump into the fire. If you are scared to talk to a man or woman, take a breath and say hello. If you are insecure about your looks, step outside without makeup. If you are scared of being on stage, sing karaoke with a group of friends. Who knows? I felt like insecure to write this but this isn’t me bragging. This is me celebrating my success at overcoming the hardest obstacle I have ever had to face. Finding my confidence. Never be afraid to celebrate things that you have overcome. Finding out who you are and building confidence will bring peace and happiness in your life.

If you have a story like this that you would love to share, feel free to write me or send me an email. I would really love to read it.

If you woke up looking for a $1,000,000 and you found it, would you be mad? Part 1

I wasn’t always a tower technician. I wasn’t always a private investigator. I wasn’t always a busboy at a restaurant or a mental health tech at a hospital. Before it all, I was an armed security officer and boy was I good at it. Almost daily I would have altercations or situation that could have ended way worse than it did. One of these altercations allowed me to come up with this quote and I have learned that I can use it in any situation.

Long story short, I was in a very bad part of town in Tampa, Fl. I was working at an after hours night club and boy I tell ya, it was an animated crowd. You name it, it was there. From out of place tourist to dope boys “reppin” their part of town with a flag hanging out their back jean pockets. From old guys getting their late night fix for the night to young girls building up a name for themselves in the worst of ways.

Every crowd would show up and everybody was welcome. Well, as long as you didn’t start anything with anybody. This night in particular was one of the off nights. A man was kicked out from the bouncers and was handed to me. While I assessed the situation, he started belligerently taking his frustration out on me. Coming from a former Army veteran who was present in both Iraq and Afghanistan, I could see that this man was only acting on his pride and how it was hurt.

I calmly asked him why he was so angry. Basically, he saw a woman in the club that he liked and tried to get her attention. The woman’s current boyfriend intervened and introduced himself and it led to them getting into a small fight. Luckily the bouncers were able to get them situated.

The dude cursed me out for about 20 minutes saying everything that he could to try and get me angry. Threatened on killing me. Said I was nothing without my gun. Made fun of the hourly wage that he thought I had. The whole nine yards. I eventually told him that the club would be closing in a half hour and that would have more than enough time to stop at the gas station across the street and buy some beer before they stopped selling for the night. He didn’t care. He wanted me to get angry. So he decided to do exactly what I hoped he wouldn’t do. Threaten the patrons safety by claiming he would leave and come back full of his boys and shoot up the club as everybody was clearing into the parking lot.

And that’s when it hit me. “Sir. If you were to wake up craving to have a $1,000,000 and decided to go out and search for it, how would you feel if you found it?” He said more slick remarks saying that he would pay some of my bills because he knew that I couldn’t afford it blah, blah, blah. I then asked if he would be mad if he found it. Of course he said “No.”. So I hit him with the “Well this morning you woke up craving for attention and you are doing the most in trying to find it. I’m telling you that you are about to receive the attention that you are clearly looking for but know that once you get it, you cant get mad!”. Lets just say that he didn’t like that response and definitely didn’t like the attention that he ended up receiving.

I quit that job that night. I realized that what I was searching for in life I would not be able to find working in the security industry but I learned a huge lesson that day. I learned that we tend to be looking for things in our lives on a daily basis, not really evaluating what all it entails and many times we get what we are looking for, but we get it in a way that we didn’t expect nor want. Even though I quit that job, I was able to walk away with understanding. Understanding that this young gentleman had to find out the hard. Be cautious on what you are looking for because you may just get it in the end.

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The Reference book

Have you ever felt like you had a calling? Something that you have always wanted to do but allowed fear to hold you back from it? Most of us have. I know that I have but that ends today. I have always wanted to start a blog and here I am. Taking my first step towards an unknown destination destination. A leap of faith into a journey that is capable of changing my life and I am so excited that you are experiencing this with me.


First and foremost, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Adam Rivera. I was born and raised in Tampa, Florida, along with my twin brother Austin. Growing up as a twin has allowed me twice the amount of life experiences because I was always learning through his trials as well as my own.

I was always an ordinary boy with big dreams of doing something amazing. I never knew what it was that I was meant to do but I knew that I wanted change the world, even if it was just one person’s world.

People who know me know that I am very loving and will give the shirt off of my back to anybody in need. I have been in many situations that have helped save lives and multiple jobs such security jobs, mental health jobs, private investigating and the military.

On the other hand, people know me as the class clown. The life of the party and in many occasions told that I can be a little too much. I am very talkative, love joking around and putting smiles on peoples faces.

Throughout all of my what I’ve been through I have gained a lot of knowledge. A lot of different perspectives and I want to share my thoughts and opinions with you. Most of my topics are going to be based on events that I have either experienced or witnessed somebody else experience. Ideas that I may have been introduced to me as well as ideas that I have introduced to others in the hopes of giving you understanding from a different point of view.

If my blog is successful, I would hope to have helped you get the strength to build yourself into a better you or provide you with a better understanding of what you are capable of achieving. To open up a door that can help guide you into the person that you have always wanted to be. We all will have trials in our lives but maybe your tests can be easier once I share, with you, my failures, my successes, my history, and hopefully my future.


I would like to thank you for joining me on this journey and feel free to comment on my posts. I am very open and love getting feedback to help give me ideas as well as get a better understanding of what my audience would like me to write about.