Understanding your mind allows you a chance to change it


A lot of my posts are derived from things that I have witnessed or conversations that I’ve had with people but this post was inspired by a conversation that I had with my son. The other night he was having fun on his tablet playing with his Osmo little genius starter kit. If you haven’t heard of it, I recommend it for all of your little geniuses. Well the kit comes with a bunch of moving pieces that interact with a mirror that senses movement as well as shapes. While he was learning, I noticed him gradually getting more and more upset. When asked what was wrong he responded that his activity kept messing up and he didn’t understand why.

After a brief look I realized that even though he was working on a flat surface like he was suppose to be, the mirror was picking up the patterns on the table. Rather than fixing it, I wanted to test his problem solving skills. I told him to tell me how the game works and he figured out that by putting a blank white piece of paper on top of the surface, it won’t register the patterns on the paper and the activity worked perfectly for the duration of the day. Ever since, by understanding how it worked, he never had that issue again.

Having that experience with him allowed me to question if that concept will work with everything including your mind. Coming into this New Years I have heard a lot of resolutions and many people have already gone back to their previous lifestyle and this is why. They have not gained an understanding of what they want to change and without knowing what’s wrong, they didn’t know how to fix it. Let’s take a smoker for instance. Many smokers think that they are addicted to the nicotine so they try the gums, the pens and the patches, which work for a little while but eventually pulls them back to smoking.

Once you understand what you are addicted to them you can fix it in a productive way. Many people are literally just addicted to the motion of putting something to their mouth and taking it away. If that’s the case, try going to the grocery store and buying a case of toothpicks to keep with you put them in your car and in your bag. Put the toothpick in your mouth when you start your craving and see if it helps. Wooden ones eventually dissolve and break up so that will symbolize when it’s time to put the “cigarette” down.

What about somebody who tends to eat way more than they want to but don’t have the self discipline to not fill up the entire plate every time they eat. A way to change that is by getting a smaller plate. The mind will see that your plate is full while still eating less and once the food is gone, it can possible signal to your brain that you are full. That same concept could be used with somebody who feels that they drink too much.

I was in this category. When I was in the military I created a drinking problem for myself. I would drink on average 18-24 beers every night. I knew that I had a problem but I was in denial so I never asked for help even though I truly needed to slow down. If I wasn’t going to get help, then I would have to figure out what was wrong. So I incorporated the big plate small plate rule but instead of getting smaller drinks I did the exact opposite. I realized that I drank so much because it was easy to just get another beer every few gulps. So instead of buying a 32 pack I got a 4 pack of tall boys a.k.a 24 oz.

What I learned is that by the time I made it halfway, my drink would start getting warm and to be frank, I would be bored to the point that I would have to force myself to drink the others so try it out and see if it could work for you. I can go all day by understanding how the mind works. Whether it is with bad habits to also great ones that you can incorporate into your regular life to push you into a better position.

In the end, always remember that if there is something that you want to change, fix, or make better in you life understand first how it all works and only then can you make changes. If you have any questions, feel free to ask and I can give you a different perspective on what you or somebody you know may be going through.

Think Positive On Purpose


Ask 100 people if they want to go skydiving and look at their faces as a response. Of course, many will jump on board and love the idea but what about the people who don’t? When asked “Why?” you will get a lot of excuses like “I’m not jumping out of a perfectly fine airplane!” and the infamous, “What if the chute doesn’t open?” At first, I was one of those people and I completely understood where they were coming from but it took for me to change my perspective in life and on a whim I decided to jump out of an airplane and I loved it. What I learned is that everything that I feared about jumping out of a plane never even happened and that’s when I started questioning everything. Questioning my fears. Questioning my negative thoughts and that’s when this lightbulb turned on. WHY ARE THESE THOUGHTS EVEN HERE?.

What I’ve come to the conclusion is that our thoughts are the way they are because of traumas and insecurities introduced to us from our past. Why does somebody have trust issues? Most likely because an event in the past that hurt them either physically or mentally and now that person refuses to trust in order to keep from feeling that pain again. Like a self defense mechanism. Many of those thoughts weren’t even experienced in person but rather seen on a screen or heard of, like why is the average human being so afraid of killer whales even though there has never been any known attacks in the wild? While dissecting these thoughts and reasons behind these thoughts I have realized that almost everything that we have become has been built off fear and getting hurt. Once you understand that is the only time that you can change the way that you think and how do you fix that? By thinking positively on purpose.

Let me show you what I mean. Next time you are aware of having a negative thought, purposely change that thought into a positive. It sounds really hard but try it and I promise you that any scenario will have a positive perspective or point of view. The moment that you change that thought into a positive, evaluate how it makes you feel or see if it will push you into a productive direction. I can almost guarantee you that it will.

I will be 100% honest and transparent with you. I am not a therapist. I do not have any degrees or any training behind any of my ideas and theories. I will say though that I have become extremely observant through the years and tend to see things in ways that most people don’t. Continue to be aware of your thoughts and purposely change the perspective into a positive and before you know it, it will become second nature.

You will eventually not have to intentionally think positive. It will become a part of who you are. Somebody who once had road rage will eventually thank somebody who cut them off because of the positive belief that “they cut me off to save me from an accident that I may have been a part of a mile down the road.” Instead of having a breakdown when somebody lost their job they would instead think that “Now I have enough time to work on myself and now have an opening for a better job”. Think positive on purpose and become the positivity that you want to see in the world.

It is OKAY


Todays society has brainwashed us all to believe that we have to please everybody. Brainwashed us to believe that we need to make everybody happy. Brainwashed us to put others before ourselves, but for us to be able to give anything, we must first have it ourselves. It is beyond impossible to make everybody happy and there are times when people that we always make happy wont be and all I am here to say is that it is okay.

It is okay to be frustrated at times. It is okay to want to be alone sometimes. Just as it is okay for you to be happy, it is just as okay for you to be sad. People will try to shame you for feeling emotions at times because it doesn’t help what they are going through and it is okay. Do not allow the selfish wants and needs from other people deter you from your growth.

It is okay for the class clown to be quiet sometimes. It doesn’t mean that something has to be wrong with him/her. Its probably just that he/she doesn’t have anything to say. Its okay to try ask if everything is alright but once they give you the answer, don’t try and force them to be the person that you want them to be for you because it will only add frustration and eventually resentment in the long run and create a negative emotion that wasn’t their to begin with.

It tends to be extremely hard if you are in relationships as well, whether its a spouse or a friendship but know that its okay to have your individual emotions. Society has created this rule saying that if you are best friends or an intimate relationship that you have to do everything together and I have one simple question. Why? Simple right. Why, when you are in a relationship that you have to be connected by the hip and if you aren’t then they can’t be a best friend or a loving spouse. It is okay to run errands alone so that you can clear your head. It is okay to do an activity with friends. It is okay. Do not allow people to make you feel obligated to do things that go against what you want and need to do for yourself. If you need space, take it. If you need to change your environment, change it.

Many times people will try and push their emotions onto you. They may think that something is wrong even though nothing is wrong at all and then create that feeling through their actions only to validate their initial accusation when nothing was wrong to begin with. You alone are the only person who can change your outcome and its okay to be selfish with your means of healing or progression in life.

If you want to wear the shirt, wear the shirt. Don’t let outside voices create insecurities in yourself because of what something looks like or how people might talk about you. If you want to do the activity, don’t let outsiders dictate you to move in another direction. Do what makes you happy and always remember that its okay to tell people “No” as well. Don’t let the emotions and beliefs of somebody else make you feel obligated to do anything and everything they tell you, or ask you, to do. You are in control and from me to you, just know that whatever you choose, it is OKAY.

What is a Leader?


You got it just from the title. What is leader? Is a leader a job title that is given to you when you become a supervisor or boss? Is leader somebody who is older than you that is in charge? Or can a leader be found in something way more in depth? Can a leader be a young child with no experience at all but has the imagination that holds no bounds? Can a leader be the old man quietly sitting on the his rocking chair feeding the doves?

I have had this question for many years and throughout those years, I have learned that anybody has the power to be a leader. Whether it was a child on the playground playing by his/herself or that soldier on the battle field that has never been into a simple fist fight.

When asked what a leader is, I tend to look that person in the eye and say “You are.”. The reason is because we all have the ability to be a leader. A leader is somebody that can move you when you feel that you can’t go any farther. Somebody that gives you insight on your capabilities as a person. A leader is somebody who can make the unbearable weight of any situation seem like a small obstacle.

Everybody has the ability to be a leader. A leader can come in many shapes and sizes. The little boy with a vision to fly will take the first step into the unknown and clear a path to the creation of new type of airplane. That same little boy will do the hard work first and set expectations for the people who follow behind.

A leader is also somebody who boosts people up. Somebody that wants to see people succeed and guide them into the right direction by continuously pushing an individual to complete a goal to the best of their ability. A leader doesn’t lead by using fear tactics. A leader uses love and compassion as his/her super power. Instead of mushing, they instead step ahead and reward.

Leaders share what they have and produce other leaders in the process by means of setting an example. Constantly providing the tools that somebody needs by being a positive example of what to do, how to treat people and doing the hard work. To set the standard of what needs to be done.

A leader is that person that shines the light into the dark places and sets a path for everybody behind him/her. Placing landmarks to keep people on the path and instructions that make what seems impossible the achievable.

Ask yourself this. Have you ever had a leader in your life that you felt had horrible leadership skills. Write those qualities down and remind yourself that you will not follow conduct yourself in the same manner.

Now ask yourself if you a leader? If so, how are you a leader? Write the positive qualities down and continue building those areas regularly. Incorporate helping people who may have a hard time doing what you do easily. Give different perspectives on different situations and do what needs to be done and set the standard for everybody that will follow you.

What is a leader? You are!