It is OKAY

Todays society has brainwashed us all to believe that we have to please everybody. Brainwashed us to believe that we need to make everybody happy. Brainwashed us to put others before ourselves, but for us to be able to give anything, we must first have it ourselves. It is beyond impossible to make everybody happy and there are times when people that we always make happy wont be and all I am here to say is that it is okay.

It is okay to be frustrated at times. It is okay to want to be alone sometimes. Just as it is okay for you to be happy, it is just as okay for you to be sad. People will try to shame you for feeling emotions at times because it doesn’t help what they are going through and it is okay. Do not allow the selfish wants and needs from other people deter you from your growth.

It is okay for the class clown to be quiet sometimes. It doesn’t mean that something has to be wrong with him/her. Its probably just that he/she doesn’t have anything to say. Its okay to try ask if everything is alright but once they give you the answer, don’t try and force them to be the person that you want them to be for you because it will only add frustration and eventually resentment in the long run and create a negative emotion that wasn’t their to begin with.

It tends to be extremely hard if you are in relationships as well, whether its a spouse or a friendship but know that its okay to have your individual emotions. Society has created this rule saying that if you are best friends or an intimate relationship that you have to do everything together and I have one simple question. Why? Simple right. Why, when you are in a relationship that you have to be connected by the hip and if you aren’t then they can’t be a best friend or a loving spouse. It is okay to run errands alone so that you can clear your head. It is okay to do an activity with friends. It is okay. Do not allow people to make you feel obligated to do things that go against what you want and need to do for yourself. If you need space, take it. If you need to change your environment, change it.

Many times people will try and push their emotions onto you. They may think that something is wrong even though nothing is wrong at all and then create that feeling through their actions only to validate their initial accusation when nothing was wrong to begin with. You alone are the only person who can change your outcome and its okay to be selfish with your means of healing or progression in life.

If you want to wear the shirt, wear the shirt. Don’t let outside voices create insecurities in yourself because of what something looks like or how people might talk about you. If you want to do the activity, don’t let outsiders dictate you to move in another direction. Do what makes you happy and always remember that its okay to tell people “No” as well. Don’t let the emotions and beliefs of somebody else make you feel obligated to do anything and everything they tell you, or ask you, to do. You are in control and from me to you, just know that whatever you choose, it is OKAY.

Dead man walking

During a eulogy at a funeral, a young woman speaks about her late husband. While she was on the podium she was describing who the man was. With tears rolling down her face she explains how he was the most loving person that she has ever met. That he would give the shirt off his back and give it to an enemy if need be. How he didn’t believe that people from anybodies past should automatically be somebody to throw away. He saw great things in everybody whether it was an ex, an old friend, a coworker and even strangers.

She elaborated on how he was always the life of the party and that everybody always loved when he was around. He complimented people and always had to make people feel good and be happy. That he was a people person and could honestly talk to anybody. How his words could deescalate any negative situation and turn an uncomfortable environment into an inviting one.

He was a helper and motivator. He was a comedian. He was a teacher and a therapist. He would inspire people to be great. He was strong an hardworking. He was smart and open minded. Always gave every situation a positive perspective. He was one of a kind. He was always doing something to help others and one of his biggest flaws is that it was hard for him to say “No.” He was amazing.

At the end of the funeral the woman went home and went through an old photo album and reminisced about the past. The happy times as well as the bad and that’s when it hit her.

The majority of their arguments was derived from him simply being him and the perception of his qualities being a form of disrespect. She went back to what she said in the eulogy and replayed it in her head.

“He was loving and would give his enemy the shirt off his back if need be.” If that was so, then why did I force him to throw away pictures of people he shared memories with in his past. Memories that made him happy. If that was so, why did I tell him he had to remove and block people on his social media.

“He was always the life of the party.”, but I would give him hell and guilt trip him knowing that he would stay home if it would keep me happy. Slowly his phone notifications lessened. He stopped getting invited to hang out because they already knew the answer would be no.

“He complimented everybody and wanted to always put put a smile on peoples faces.” How dare he disrespect our relationship by lifting her up by telling her that she was beautiful, but in his eyes maybe he saw something that I didn’t and noticed that she was having a bad day and wanted to make her feel better.

Going through the memories, she realized that her husband died a long time ago. That person she described was not the man in the coffin. He was not the therapist. He was not the motivator. He was not the life of the party. He was not the uplifting man that helped people who were down.

The moral of this story is that we are all unique. We are all different. Our personalities are what make us who we are and I believe that everybody should be allowed to be who they are. I do not agree with forcing people to stop being who they are because the end result is just an empty shell. A dead man walking!

Trust and Communication The basis of a healthy relationship.

While there are many other areas that need to be worked on in a relationship, trust and communication are the two main areas that hold a relationship together. Without one, the relationship begins to weaken and will eventually end, losing everything else that goes along with it.

There are family relationships, professional relationships, friendly relationships and pet relationships that communication and trust will affect but the one that I want to talk about is the romantic relationship.

To this day, my wife hates my analogies but this one seems a bit fair to use. Picture a relationship being a chain. The stronger the bond, the more secure it is. Each link is given a name such as Sex, Intimacy, Punctuality, Cleanliness, Security, Personality, and many, many more depending on what you want and need in a relationship.

Out of all of these links in the chain, trust and communication is the lock and key. Without a lot a key, anything and anybody can come by and sever the bond in your relationship. Get the picture? Now let me show you how.

First I will start with communication. Communication is the key to the relationship chain and without it, you will never be able to gain access to the relationship. Just like your house key and car key, communication is carried with you everywhere you go and is an important part of everyday life.

Throughout any part of any relationship, matters will need to be discussed in order to keep an organized lifestyle ranging from picking up the kids, setting dates and times to events, grabbing milk on the ay home and expressing feelings to one another. Everybody wants to stay in the loop when it comes to their spouse and without proper physical and verbal communication it is easy for many situations to get out of whack and trust can start to diminish.

Of course, there are many other ways to diminish trust but the lack of proper communication can lead to misinterpreted views and unproductive thoughts that can lead to negative feelings. From there, that is when situations could really start heading into the wrong direction.

Trust is the lock that connects the link of the chain. Depending on the strength of trust, anybody and anything could easily break the bond and destroy any romantic relationship. Some of the major causes of trust issues derive from infidelity, past experiences, and control. Yes I said it. Needing to have control is never letting yourself be vulnerable and that will eventually lead to lack of trust to the people around you, but that will be written in a separate article about the links to the chain of a relationship.

Trust is extremely vital because without it, nothing and I mean NOTHING positive can grown. Honest words could be mistaken for sarcasm. Late responses and missed calls can lead to negative seeds the will grow from the water of negative thoughts. Coming home a little later than usual could question if there are other people or other forms of inappropriate activities and those thoughts only will lead to disaster.

Improper communication and lack of trust will slowly but surely push the individuals involved in the relationship away. Without trust, the individual who missed the call may get accused of ignoring them or involved in a disrespectful activity when in all actuality was taking a nap, in the middle of licking the barbeque sauce of their fingers or just forgot to put the ringer on after they left the movie theatre.

By the time the person is able to explain what is actually going on, the negative seeds may have grown into a tree of deception and the explanation will not be believed and accusations will be made. Of course, nobody wants to be accused of anything that they are not doing, so that will cause insecurities in the accused which will then build frustration and even more lack of communication.

If the problem doesn’t get fixed early on, everything that is said will bring more and more arguments, which will then build more and more actions that will lead to the lack of trust and the cycle will continue the infinite downhill spiral until both parties are to a point of no return and the relationship will end. People who loved each other at first will separate as enemies who will never want to see each other again.

I understand that trust and communication can be very hard to work on but with the proper practice, guidance and a lot of patience, the chain to the relationship will be held tight and secured by a sturdy lock and key that could withstand any storm.